"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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