I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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