you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
we're so committed to being not committed
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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