genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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