She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
