she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
