I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
