THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You need Xanax blowdarts
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
