I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Sober January is a disaster.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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