I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
