Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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