Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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