If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
