Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You can't motorboat a personality
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
