4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
