dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize