Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize