theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
