My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
