I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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