Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
