Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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