How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
