The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
