2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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