just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it was like eating out sand paper
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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