Sry I called you an 8
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
