I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
