Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
