all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
did i just pee glitter
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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