Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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