Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
