someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
