What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
