Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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