I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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