I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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