I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
