My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
