wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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