I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
