Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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