I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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