I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
