New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
