Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is that strawberry winking at me??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
