idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
