If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
