Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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