he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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