I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
