I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
