If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
