I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
