I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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