Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize