I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
