There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
