she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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