I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
