Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
