this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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