Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
