I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
