I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
