Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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