so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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