do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You pole danced in your parka.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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