he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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