I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
