the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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