Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize