PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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