I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize