1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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