what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
