I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
