This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
