Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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