also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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