Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize