3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize