sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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