I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you mean i was at the winter classic?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
