You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
