I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
