why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
