It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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