Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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