I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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