Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
