sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Houston, we have a blender
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize