so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My pussy is not your playground.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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