When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
