i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
