She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
