wakey wakey hands off snakey
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
