WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
