I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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