I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
